I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
