Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
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just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
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I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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