nut hugger
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
