she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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