Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
