I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
