Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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