I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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