After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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