you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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