I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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