I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
