i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
