if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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