I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
