I haven't been this sober since birth.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
