this beer tastes like vomit already
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
