the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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