Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
