I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
