Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
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Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
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Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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