I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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