Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
