He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
