Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize