I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
