Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
