Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
