your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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