You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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