News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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