I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
