Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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