Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
