i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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