This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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