I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
