i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
