whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So much Jack, so little girl.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
