i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
