Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
