i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
