ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
