Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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