She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
