TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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