I should be sponsored by Trojan
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
