just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
