i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
