i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
