I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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