Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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