4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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