Porn is love you can see.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
