I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
this will be a night to untag.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
