how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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