he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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