Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
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I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
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I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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