we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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