just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
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you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
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So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I have post one night stand depression
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