Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
