I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
