Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
