Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
