He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
