The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
