I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
