A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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