Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
