I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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