she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
