My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
