There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
