I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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