I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
