Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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