I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
