He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
