Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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